As I was in church today (first service for 2012), I felt so so glad to be back in the house of the Lord. So glad I am able to worship and praise him and I praised him with all my strength and all my might.
As I sang and worshiped, I felt a heavy presence on me and the impression “this year, prepare for your wedding”. I stopped singing and just closed my eyes, listening and receiving in my spirit.
Lord, is this in response to my prayer the night before? I prayed for answers to these questions.
1. Lord, is Bear the person I am to marry? The person You have specially chosen as my life partner?
2. If he is, then how to I overcome the hesitation and reservation about marrying him?
3. How do I approach wise Christian leaders who can counsel me.
Lord, as I listening to the ‘impression’, I asked for a clear sign from you. For me ‘listening’ is not my strong point as I sometimes am not sure if I am hearing clearly from You. I asked for a verse or a vision and Ephesians 3:20-21 came to mind.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
This verse spoke to me because I am judging with my intellectual mind based on concerns about compatibility. To me, this marital union will be less than perfect, a ‘settling’ of 2nd best. But God is a good God and if this comes from Him (i.e. His will), then He is able to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine. Marriage to this person will bring about great blessing, and produce a lasting, strong & blessed union, a fulfilled life that is immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine in a life partner.
Then I also tried to visualise the 10m walk (the walk down the aisle towards the altar) which had previously filled my heart with dread and trepidation. This time, the vision/image in my head became peaceful and radiant. I could see myself walking down the aisle towards the Lord (altar), eyes looking forward and not towards my groom. I could sense God’s divine pleasure, the confirmation of His will and manifold blessings. I could see details in that image, the dress I am wearing, the bright sunshine through the glass streaming from the altar. The people filling both pews of the church.
I became greedy and asked the Lord for one more thing: deep abiding peace. I asked specifically for the ‘peace of God’ of Philippians 4:7.
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
As I meditate on each word of the verse, peace which specifically comes from God, transcends (goes beyond, over and above) my limited reasoning/understanding. And this peace will serve as a guard/sentinel, standing watch to keep my heart and my mind rooted & anchored in Christ Jesus.
Then I asked the Lord what about the daily thoughts in my head during my most recent depression where I was certain I could NEVER see myself marrying this person. What are those thoughts? The answer came: “lies”.
I asked the Lord further, what about the time at the retreat when I felt the impression that ‘he is your husband’ on another person who is not Bear. Did I hear wrongly? But the impression was so strong and similar to what I felt today. I asked the Lord to please help me understand the meaning of what I heard.
I also need wise Christian counsel. I asked that the Lord send Godly people into my life at this juncture to speak words of wisdom at this critical time.