musings 14May07

i feel like such a loser. i can’t even hold down a job. i have to trouble senior management and team members everytime i fall ill. almost could not graduate because of this illness. so pathetic.

 

i am in the prime of my youth, yet i feel so robbed of my potential. what a whiner. i want to be popular, i want to  hold a high flying job, i want to hang out and the hip spots in town and i want to work in an international city outside of KL. but i know this is so shallow and somehow feel it is spiritually wrong to pursue this.

and i feel this inner conflict within  me that Paul describes so well. between living in the Spirit and fulfilling the desires of my fallen man. i have always struggled with it all my life.

so much self-pity. i need to shake out of this. i have a lot to thank God for. i will list them down:

1) daddy, mummy and eddie who love me so much

2) mummy who has survived cancer twice

3) lovely room to live in

4) university degree

5) opportunity to travel widely

6) good friends

7) gift of sight,love of books and good movies

8) still young

9) christ who died for me!!! somehow i don’t feel it. God pls forgive me.

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