thank you Lord that i have finally recovered! i am finally able to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
the perceptible difference was yesterday (Sunday) when E titi came home for the weekend and we went for a Korean dinner. it was the first time i had left the house in 2 weeks. it was also the first time i laughed and smiled in two months.
today, i managed to drive to the park and feed the fishes with mum. was also able to complete a few personal tasks.
feel so so thankful to God that i have recovered. thank you Father! i am able to think clearly, face the world without fear and anxiety, take on the challenges of living.
i think the main difference between a depressed and non-depressed state is the ability to cope. when depressed, even breathing becomes too difficult. a simple task like cutting my nails becomes too strenuous. the only way to exist is to completely obliterate consciousness. in a non-depressed state, the pressures of life become manageable. the stresses of life can be faced with courage and boldness.
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
i feel that Psalm 116 speaks to much to me right now, like the words right out of my heart:
Psa 116:1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Psa 116:2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
Psa 116:3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Psa 116:4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: “O LORD, save me!”
Psa 116:5 The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
Psa 116:6 The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Psa 116:7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
Psa 116:8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
Psa 116:9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
Psa 116:10 I believed; therefore I said, “I am greatly afflicted.”
Psa 116: 11 And in my dismay I said, “All men are liars.”
Psa 116:12 How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?
Psa 116:13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.
Psa 116:14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
Psa 116:15 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
Psa 116:16 O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant ; you have freed me from my chains.
Psa 116:17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD.
Psa 116:18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,
Psa 116:19 in the courts of the house of the LORD–in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the LORD.